Why Teens Often Don’t Disclose Cyberbullying and How Trusted Adults Can Respond

Cyberbullying, unfortunately, isn’t an uncommon experience for many teens. According to the Cyberbullying Research Center, about 58% of teens between 13 and 17 years old reported they’ve been cyberbullied in their lives.^[1]

Finding out that a teen has been receiving cruel messages, excluded from group chats, or watching rumors get spread about them online can be distressing for a mental health professional. You may feel concerned and powerless, especially if they didn’t choose to open up about it sooner. However, there are many reasons why a teen might not disclose cyberbullying, and responding to them with sensitivity could help ensure they receive the support they need.

This blog aims to help you understand why a teen might not report cyberbullying, how to respond in ways that help them feel safe, and steps you can take to help.

What Is Cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying is what happens when someone uses technology, whether it’s phones, computers, social media, or messaging apps, to cause pain or harm to a teen.^[2] Cyberbullying often involves sending, posting, or sharing cruel, false, humiliating, or private information about another person.

Research shows that cyberbullying is especially stressful and can result in higher rates of anxiety and depression.^[3] It can also increase loneliness, low self-esteem, and suicidal behaviors.^[4]

Teens who experience cyberbullying often don’t get a break from it. This is because it isn’t just localized to school; it can follow them home.

Why Teens Don’t Always Report Cyberbullying

Despite how painful a teen might find cyberbullying, they don’t always report it. This can be confusing for the adults in their lives, but there may be a lot of reasons why a teen might not open up about it. Their silence might be an attempt to protect their friendships, privacy, independence, or reputation.

Here are some other reasons teens don’t always report cyberbullying:

They’re Afraid Their Phone Will Be Taken Away

A teen might fear opening up to a mental health professional about cyberbullying in case their parents might get involved and take away their phone. This fear is understandable, as many parents’ first instinct might be to remove anything that could be hurting their child.

However, a teen might see this as a punishment rather than a way to protect them. So they might avoid telling you about the cyberbullying because they also don’t want to lose how they communicate, participate in school activities, or maintain supportive relationships.

In other words, if a teen believes telling an adult will result in losing all online access, they might decide that staying silent is the safer option.

They Think Adult Involvement Will Make It Worse

A teen may also worry that adult involvement could lead to immediately calling the school, contacting another parent, or confronting the person responsible. While these actions are typically well-intentioned, the teen may worry that the interference could lead to retaliation.

They might fear that more classmates will hear about the situation or that the person bullying them will accuse them of “snitching.” Therefore, choosing to report cyberbullying to a mental health professional or other trusted adult may feel like giving up control of an already unpredictable situation.

They Feel Embarrassed or Blame Themselves

Online harassment can involve deeply personal subjects. Maybe a teen shared something private or trusted someone who betrayed them. They might think that they should have known better or that everyone will think it’s their fault, as though they were “asking for it.”

For this reason, teens may feel embarrassed or might fear being blamed. This could especially be the case for sexual cyber harassment, such as receiving unwanted sexual content, pressure to share an image, or having a private image distributed without consent. Young women are also more likely to experience sexual cyber harassment than their male counterparts.^[5]

They’ve Normalized Harmful Online Behavior

A teen might struggle to recognize cyberbullying because insults, sarcasm, and rumor-sharing can often become very common within online communities. So they might not realize when a behavior has crossed a boundary. For this reason, they might not report cyberbullying to a trusted adult because they assume that it only “counts” when there’s a direct threat.

How You Can Make It Safer for Teens to Speak Up

As a trusted adult – be it a mental health professional, parent, or otherwise – your response when a teen first opens up may determine how much they continue sharing. Even if you feel concerned, frightened, or desperate to act, begin by slowing the conversation down. The following steps can help them feel safer when opening up:

1. Listen Before Trying to Solve the Problem

Give the teen room to explain what happened in their own words. Avoid interrupting them with questions about why they responded, trusted someone, or didn’t come to you sooner. Let the teen know that you’re glad they told you and that they don’t deserve to be treated this way.

It can also be helpful to ask what would help them feel safer in the moment or what worries them most about the situation. These responses communicate that the teen isn’t in trouble or that it’s their fault.

2. Preserve the Evidence

Before blocking an account or deleting messages, you could encourage the teen to document the behavior. Tell them (or help them) to save screenshots, usernames, dates, links, emails, and text messages.

StopBullying.gov advises families not to respond to or forward cyberbullying messages.^[6] Instead, they recommend preserving evidence, blocking the person responsible, and using the platform’s reporting process. But the teen should also not repeatedly read or describe upsetting content once they’ve saved the necessary information. A mental health professional could signpost families toward this resource.

3. Make a Plan Together

A teen may need adults to step in, but continuing to involve the teen in the decision can restore some of the control cyberbullying has taken away. A mental health professional can guide teens and parents on how to construct this plan together.

Depending on the situation, the plan may involve:

• Blocking or muting an account
• Adjusting privacy settings
• Reporting content to the platform
• Informing a teacher, counselor, or administrator
• Contacting another parent
• Requesting mental health support
• Speaking with law enforcement when criminal conduct or safety threats may be involved

Efforts to stop cyberbullying should protect the teen without making them feel responsible for solving the situation alone.

4. Avoid Automatically Removing Every Device

There may be times when changing how a teen uses technology is necessary for safety. Still, completely taking away a device shouldn’t be the automatic response.

Discuss what would help the teen feel protected. This might mean temporarily leaving a group chat, disabling location sharing, limiting notifications, or taking a planned break from a specific platform. Mental health professionals can involve the entire family in this process with the teen’s permission.

Get Support for Teens Affected by Cyberbullying

At AMFM Healthcare, we understand the impact that cyberbullying has on teens. It can affect how they see themselves, their relationships, and the world around them. Even when the online bullying stops, they might still feel fear, shame, anxiety, or mistrust.

Our teen-focused programs at Mission Prep Teen Treatment provide personalized mental health treatment for teens experiencing challenges such as anxiety, depression, trauma, self-harm, or difficulties with self-esteem.

Through evidence-based therapies, like CBT, ACT, and narrative therapy, we help teens understand their thoughts, manage their emotions, and rewrite the stories they tell themselves.

We also combine these therapies with holistic supports like mindfulness and art therapy to help teens develop healthy coping skills and rebuild confidence.

Our team also helps the adults in a teen’s life – including parents and mental health professionals – learn how to respond to emotional distress and discuss digital safety, so teens know how to prevent cyberbullying.

If cyberbullying is affecting a teen’s mood, safety, education, or relationships, but you’re unsure of the next steps to take, contact us at 844-690-0205. With our guidance, the adults in a teen’s life can support them towards more safety and stability.

Reporting Cyberbullying FAQ

Cyberbullying can leave you unsure about when to step in, who to report the behavior to, and how to support a teen without making things worse. The answers below address some of the most common questions families and mental health professionals have about how to stop cyberbullying and how to support teen mental health and safety.