Supporting Clients Through Breakups During the Holiday Season

Holiday breakups can just hit differently from those at other times of the year. The end-of-year season calls for people to be joyful with their loved ones. But any major holiday can quickly turn painful and make someone want to hide away when a relationship ends right before or in the middle of it.

Navigating a breakup during the holiday season can be difficult for anyone. But relationships actually tend to end around this time of year more than any other. Therefore, understanding what you can do to help clients through this period could make a major difference to how they process the experience.

To help, this blog will cover:

• When “breakup season” happens and why the holidays are often involved.
• The stages of grief people move through after a breakup.
• How long it takes to get over a breakup (and what shapes this timeline).
• Practical steps for helping someone get over a breakup during the holiday season.

Breakups and the Holidays

What and when is “breakup season”, exactly?

Research on relationships ending points to two common times each year. Once in the spring and a larger period that runs from mid-November through the New Year, during the traditional end-of-year holiday season.^[1]

On the whole, a few things seem to contribute to this pattern:

• Family pressure: Holidays usually mean meeting relatives for the first time or attending events as a couple, which can bring about decisions that some people may have been avoiding about their relationship.

• Financial issues: Gift-giving and travel costs can stress a relationship, especially one that was already in difficulty.

• Reflecting on things: Many people take the time to reassess their lives at the end of the year, including who they involve in them.

• Desiring a fresh start: Some people would rather end things before the New Year than be in an unhappy relationship.

None of the above means that all relationships are guaranteed to struggle at the end of the year (or any other major holiday). Timing definitely plays a role, but it’s rarely the only reason for a breakup during the holiday season.

Stages of Grief After a Breakup

Grief after a relationship ends is similar to grief that’s felt after any other major loss. The stages of grief breakup framework, adapted from the famous work of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, can offer a useful lens to make sense of what someone is feeling and experiencing.^[2]

These stages of a breakup don’t move in a straight line – they aren’t linear. A client might skip over one entirely, revisit a past one months later, or even feel two at the same time. They’re ultimately common experiences in life and not a checklist for someone to make their way through.

Having said as much, the framework includes the following stages:

Denial

Immediately after a breakup, many people feel numb and disconnected from what’s going on. Their mind might push back against the reality of the loss, especially if the breakup came as a surprise.

This emotional numbness could also feel like short-term relief, even as it potentially delays the more difficult emotions that lurk underneath.

Anger

Anger usually comes up for people after the shock starts to dissipate. They may feel frustrated with their ex-partner, with themselves, the circumstances of the split, and more.

Feeling this kind of anger is a totally normal part of the process, even though it might also be uncomfortable at times.

Bargaining

During this stage, people sometimes find themselves endlessly replaying conversations in their head or wondering what they could have done differently. Bargaining can really impact a client’s thinking patterns, as they might make constant attempts to regain some sense of control over something that still feels sudden and unfair.

Depression

Depression after a breakup can sometimes feel like a literal weight, with sadness, low energy, and withdrawal being common. The full weight of the loss is settling in and can feel heavier during the holidays, especially when everyone else seems to be celebrating.

Acceptance

Being in the acceptance stage doesn’t mean someone never feels sad about the breakup anymore. However, it does typically mean that they’ve started making peace with what happened and can picture a life that continues without their ex in it.

Potential Timeline of a Breakup

So, how long does it take to get over a breakup?

Unfortunately, there’s no one tidy answer for this. Some might find that the worst pain gets better within weeks, but for others (especially those coming out of long-term relationships during the holidays), it can take many months.

Research on how long it takes to get over a breakup has suggested that healing can take anywhere from a few months to well over a year. People sometimes estimate that the time needed is roughly half the length of the relationship itself, though this varies from person to person.^[3]

Additionally, things that can influence a client’s personal timeline for getting over a breakup might include:

• How the breakup happened (whether or not the split was sudden or unexpected).
• The length of the relationship.
• How close they were emotionally to their ex.
• How intertwined their lives were.
• Their past experiences with breakups and loss.
• How much of a support system they have.

During the holidays, healing can often feel slower because reminders seem to be everywhere. Group gatherings and old traditions can all carry huge emotional weight, all of which is to be expected.

Ultimately, It’s important that they remember that there’s no prize for moving on quickly. They should give themselves permission to heal at whatever pace feels right for them, resisting the temptation to measure their progress against anyone else’s.

Practical Steps for Helping a Client Get Over a Breakup During the Holiday Season

Knowing how to get over a breakup can be hard, so having a plan for the moments that feel the hardest is wise. You can help a client with this process by encouraging them to:

Let Themselves Feel Their Feelings

Suppressing their sadness or anger could prolong their pain. Encourage them to give themselves the time and space to cry, write about things, or sit with hard emotions instead of automatically pushing them away.

This can be hard to do when getting over a breakup, but it’s vital for the healing process.

Set Boundaries That Work for Them

Remind them that they don’t have to attend every holiday gathering. If a party or family event feels like too much, it’s okay to skip it or leave early.

They could also give a heads-up to a friend or relative in advance so they have the support they need in case they want to step away.

Lean on Their Supports

Isolation usually makes holiday grief feel that much heavier. Encourage your client to reach out to their friends, family, and loved ones who make them feel understood, even for just a phone check-in.

Limit Contact With Their Ex

Staying in touch with their ex, even casually, can make the healing process more difficult. There could be benefits to muting or unfollowing them on social media for a while — distance gives their mind some room to breathe and process the breakup without constant reminders.

Create New Traditions for Themselves

Old holiday rituals could be painful for the client when they remind them of their ex. So perhaps suggest that they try out a new recipe or activity they’ve never done before – small changes could help make the season feel like it’s theirs again.

Take Care of Their Body

The grieving process can affect sleep, appetite, energy levels, and their mood. Make sure they prioritize rest, regular nutrition, sleep, and getting active (such as taking a short walk) when they have the capacity.^[4]

Physical care is known to support emotional well-being, even on the days that feel hard to make their way through.

Be Aware of When to Ask for More Help

Self-care is a vital part of what to do after a breakup. However, if your client’s sadness feels overwhelming, then it could help to schedule extra sessions during this time to help them process everything.

Discover Extra Support for Holiday Breakups at AMFM Healthcare

Some breakups just need more than the passage of time to heal from. If you have a client who is struggling with daily tasks, or if their sleep schedule and emotions feel out of control, then they might need additional support.

As a therapist or mental health professional, you can help them examine the patterns of their past relationships and rebuild their sense of stability. And if you’re ever unsure of how to support a client, our team is here to help.

At AMFM Healthcare, we provide compassionate, evidence-based mental health treatment focused on meaningful, lasting results. Our outpatient treatment program, Mission Connection, offers several options for high-quality outpatient mental health care, including virtual telehealth sessions, in-person therapy, and a hybrid program that combines in-person with virtual care.

You don’t have to figure out how to support clients by yourself — AMFM Healthcare is here to help you find the best level of care for all your clients’ needs. Call us at 844-690-0205 to talk more about how we can support your efforts.

Navigating the Holidays After a Breakup FAQ

Going through a breakup is hard at any time of the year, let alone during the holidays. To help you support clients to the best of your ability, we’ve provided the following answers to commonly asked questions about getting through this difficult period.